In a relationship, micro-cheating is just what it sounds like—one person crosses boundaries in a subtle way that is not clearly cheating but still makes their partner feel unsettled enough to question whether their trust has been violated. Micro-cheating is usually some sort of display of interest in someone outside the relationship, and the boundary crossed can be physical or emotional.
It can be challenging to define what constitutes micro-cheating in a relationship unless it has previously been made crystal clear what is and is not allowed. Examples of micro-cheating can include:
- Flirting—This can occur via text, online, or in person through suggestive conversation or body language.
- Encouraging sexual advances from other people or failing to let them know you are already in an exclusive relationship.
- Interactions with an ex-partner that make your partner uncomfortable.
- Online dating – browsing dating apps or maintaining an active profile.
- Secret social media accounts – using a secret account to go online without revealing that you are in a relationship.
- Social media interactions – flirtatious messaging via social media or excessive interaction with another person’s posts through comments or likes.
- Gift giving – exchanging romantic gifts with someone outside of the relationship.
- Inappropriate physical contact – such as hugging, touching, or kissing.
- Compliments – paying special attention to someone else or complimenting them excessively.
- Emotional intimacy – sharing deeply personal and intimate feelings and desires or seeking emotional comfort with another person.
Every Relationship Has Its Boundaries
Keep in mind that every relationship is unique, and everyone has their level of comfort with any of the above actions. Thus, the definition of micro-cheating can vary widely. What is no problem for one couple might be a deal breaker for another. Some factors that can influence the way a person’s actions are perceived are whether they are done with intent and if they are done in secret. While some flirting is natural and harmless, if your partner feels that you are breaking boundaries intentionally and hiding them from them, the result could be that they will have trouble trusting you. Once trust has been broken, it can be hard to regain.
How Do I Know if Micro-Cheating Is a Problem in My Relationship?
Open and honest communication is the best way to approach micro-cheating. Your partner needs to know how you feel about their actions and vice versa. If something makes you uncomfortable and they continue their behavior, or worse, carry on behind your back, it could signal a long-term problem. More significant than the actual micro-cheating is whether it happens in secret or with lies. Any relationship that involves lying and secrecy will have difficulty building trust, and trust is the true foundation of a strong, lasting partnership.
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